Auntie Librarian

I am sewing your Halloween costume.   

Sitting in my chair,  

under the light.  

Needle   

and thread  

Needle  

and thread    

It brings me joy.  

To do this thing   

for you   

for me   

and for us   

Why does it bring me joy?   

Make me feel warm and cozy?   

Cozy   

Sewing your Halloween costume   

after dinner  

after a meal, lovingly prepared   

after we gathered ourselves around the table   

and ate   

talked   

shared   

laughed   

full and relaxed   

we clear away the dishes   

and settle down together   

tv   

or    

tinkering   

or sewing   

your Halloween costume

 Abandoned 

We already had two dogs. “He has to stay outside.”

My first response to this little stinky dachshund’s arrival.

Within days

He was inside: house, heart.

His personality had taken hold of me. I could turn him out no longer.

Black wiry fur

He looked like one of those pot bellied pigs people keep for pets.

His love for food: comical.

His eyes and wobbly walk

Expressions and personality

Quirky, winning

Always wanting to be near you.

eyes begging

For love in any form

Food 

Touch

Toys

He loved toys

Especially the squeakers

Sniffing and snorting with excitement

Throw, chase, tug, growl, repeat

Those little nails clicking on the floor

He loved to dig outside in the yard

Nose fresh with brown dirt.

And bury himself 

in blankets

Stealing dirty socks and shirts to feather his nest.

Five years. 

Diabetes and divorce, Insulin and lawyers

A new normal, soon back to our old playful selves

Taking the shots well

Another year, out on our own

Ready partner in this new life

Steady

Holding

Hopeful

Another move

closer

New loves, New job, New town

Family

He was a bridge, a band aid. Ambassador healer

Slowing down, he grayed and limped.

How old is he?

We don’t know.

His adventures do not stop. 

Convertible rides

Nose out the window

He is the portable star 

Covered with kisses

It’s been a while since he chased a toy.

But his costume takes home first place anyway

Shaky

Seizures

He’s just old.

This is the sad part

Full of hot tears and burning regret

It is the end

Endings can be long or short

Which one is best?

Guilt and Pain a lesson to grow me.

Forgive me. Next time, I’ll do better.

Let me carry you in my heart. 

We were not

Ready 

To say goodbye.

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1nlcKbel7s4bApuluHezZ2Fbkwha4iZ3c9WJd1sUFFgk/edit?usp=sharing

I moved last year. If there is one thing that will show you that it is time to declutter and get rid of a few things, it is packing them all up and hauling them to another place. In the unpacking part of the move, I was determined to get rid of several boxes of stuff and not have to move them again.

How does one end up with so much stuff? In my case, much of it was inherited. Dishes, glassware, boxes and boxes of pictures, books, clothes. Some of it belonged to my mother who passed away in 2010, and some of it belonged to my aunt who passed away in 2001.

Sorting through these belongings and deciding what to do with them was necessary, but not easy. Discarding, donating and selling my aunt and mother's things sometimes felt like throwing away memories of these people I loved, memories that thin and blur with time.

I made several trips to the Habitat for Humanity store and the Brown Roof Thrift store.  I also posted items on an app called Offer Up.  Dishes and glassware and clothes were easy to get rid of, but other items were not so easy to part with. In some cases, the experience of the items finding new owners was joyful and rewarding. Selling my aunt's gleaming silver coronet was a fantastic experience that I will never forget.

The coronet was one of the items that I held on to for a while before deciding to sell it.  It was beautiful. My aunt played it in the Fitch High School marching band in Groton, CT.  After high school, my aunt became a barber and then went on to become a highly regarded animal control officer. The coronet spent years in the attic of my mother's ancestral home in Mystic. I listed the coronet on Offer Up which allows you to deal locally with people who are nearby and hand deliver your sale item. It was fun to meet people and hear about their plans for whatever it is they are buying from you.


Eventually, I got a notification on the app that someone wanted to buy the coronet. We set up a meeting at a nearby grocery store. The buyer was purchasing the instrument for his son, a school band director who collects instruments and their stories. He wanted to know about the original owner of the coronet. It made me happy to tell him about my aunt, but he also wanted to know if the instrument worked, and I had no idea if it did. After texting him information and sending links regarding my aunt, he sent me a video of his son Kevin playing the coronet. (see below) It worked! The sweet music that flowed out of the instrument, last played by my aunt, sent tears streaming down my face. And it just so happened that my mother adored the song he played, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow".  I know that both my aunt and my mother would have been overjoyed to hear the rich music pouring out of the old coronet.

I have enjoyed telling this story to family and friends.  My other auntie -Pam, encouraged me to write about it after I accidentally told her the story twice. That video is such a gift, a greeting from heaven. Even better, Kevin played the coronet for his middle school students and they loved it. How did he know that is one of our favorite songs? I think some angels told him.


   

June, July and August. Gone.

It feels as if I have lived a lifetime within those three months.

My sister and I were out shopping a few weeks ago when we stumbled upon a store that specializes in paper goods, invitations, scrap booking, wrapping paper, stationery and other paper crafts. Their window display featured some of the most adorable valentines I had ever seen. Not only were they adorable, they were hip. They were cool. They were perfect for my middle school students.  As soon as I saw these  were part of a make your own valentines kit, I knew I had to have them for my upcoming family library night.


My mother used to let herself be inspired by things she saw on TV, in magazines or on display at a shop. After preparing the most delicious dish for dinner, or creating a gorgeous centerpiece for her dining room table I remember her saying, "I saw it, and I said to myself, I can do that!" and she did.  I felt just like her as I delighted in making valentines with the parents and students who attended family night at my library.


It was a true family night indeed. Parents brought their children, along with their younger siblings and we all had a grand time making valentines together. The parents made valentines, the little brothers and sisters made valentines, the students made valentines, we all talked and enjoyed refreshments. About 20 people came in all, which was perfect. If there were any more people, I don't know if the event would have felt as intimate.



The more I reflect on the event, the better it gets. The simplicity of it is what makes it great. Here is a school event that does not require team or club membership; it is open to everyone. There is no practice or competition, and no grades. Students participate alongside their siblings and parents and teachers. What a great way to build a sense of community.


As I cleaned up after the event, rather than feeling tired and worn out, I felt energized by how well the event went. There is something therapeutic about sitting around a table with other people, cutting and gluing together, and making something for someone else. When my mother was inspired by cooking shows and magazine covers, my whole family enjoyed the results. It is a great feeling to allow myself to be inspired, silencing the negative, nay saying voice in my head , and watch others enjoy the results of my inspiration.